What is the goal of any human being? The goal is to be happy. If you are a parent the goal for our children is for them to be happy. To give them the tools of in-dependence. For that is the nature of a child to grow towards its light.
As society changes and we learn more and more about what makes for a happy life, we also learn that people do the best they can. Parents have always wanted the best for their children. But what is best for every person is different FOR every person. We must take into account the “nature” of people while “nurturing” people.
Raising children is tricky business. There must be rules implemented for their safety, their health. Especially when they are young. But for a person to achieve a state of happiness in their life they're nature or wellspring of love and beauty must be nurtured. The nature of who they are will always win over any implemented rules when they become adults. The key to keep in mind is that the majority of people out there did the best with what they knew at the time.
For a long time society has clung to the “rules” for how to best raise children and interact with family. Without delving too much into the technical aspects of types of parenting, allowing for a child's nature while nurturing them and keeping them safe is a balanced aspect of parenting. When either over controlling or over permissive parenting is established in the home the result is children that are frozen or unable to grow in their life on their own well into adult hood and middle age. Thus we have seen the lengthening of childhood and children that stay at home well into their 30s and 40's.
In-dependence is something that every person should have. Dependence on themselves, dependence on their self governing. A person should be able to make decisions in-dependently and depend on themselves for answers concerning themselves and their life. Being independent doesn't mean being a loner nor does it mean making the rules for others or not needing help. It doesn't mean being defiant in the face of another. What it means is that you can depend on yourself for answers, decision making and have an inherent knowledge of what is good for you without approval or okay from another human being.
Co-dependence on the other hand means that your own answers and self governing have a co pilot in the form of another human being. Indecisiveness and the need to have approval from others is one signal that co-dependence may be a challenge in your life. People with co-dependency challenges are likely people that rely heavily on their parents or siblings or friends, even into their own middle age, for approval and decisions in their own personal life. These issues of co-dependency can be devastating in a person’s life and in some cases can lead to complete inability to make decisions on ones own.
One of the main challenges that results from extreme parenting is lack of confidence, de-valuing your worth or skills in your life and the inability to move forward and live your life to the fullness of who you know you are. A life coach can assist you in overcoming these challenges. A life coach can teach you the skills and ways to “nurture your own nature” in a safe and positive environment and can help you gain the in-dependence you desire in your life!