Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Golden Rule in the Outer Circle II

There are no exceptions to the Golden Rule inside a close relationship especially if that person is a friend, family member or spouse. If this level of respect is not happening in our relationships the majority of the time, then it is time to remind ourselves how much that other person means to us. It is time to take a moment and be aware of the detrimental ways in which we are communicating in our relationships and to improve them.

Within our relationships communication is crucial, for the relationship to thrive, grow and never get stagnant.  The way in which we communicate needs to be based on respect and love. It needs to demonstrate the importance of that person in our lives. 

There are many forms of communication.  When a person is trying to communicate with another especially if the other persons verbal communication skills aren't strong or if they are hampered by self-esteem or confidence issues we may end up relying on other forms of communication both verbal and non-verbal. 

Joking, teasing, flirting and bantering are a few forms of verbal communication that can sometimes cause confusion and hurt if both parties are not on the same page. Make sure these modes of communication are loving and not hurtful.  Treat them the way you want to be treated.

How do we know there is an issue with communication?  There is not one person when thinking about someone we love or care about would want to hurt them intentionally.  Because hurting someone is not an act of love or respect or kindness. Hurting someone doesn't feel good emotionally. It might be a reaction to hurt or pain that may be baggage we've carried for years.  Due to work or uncontrollable events we may have been exposed to or  had a day around some negative people.  Focus on the good. If you have made an honest error in judgement and hurt your partner or friend, immediately say your sorry.

If a family member, spouse or good friend has to prelude a comment with “Don't take this the wrong way.”  or something similar, that is a sure sign that it is either a topic they are very uncomfortable with, they've had a bad day that needs to be worked through or, they are carrying baggage from long ago. It is also a sign that they know it's going to hurt. If someone has to preface it with that phrase  then they already know it's going to be taken negatively.  'If you catch yourself thinking, “Oh they might take this wrong.” and  you are tempted to open  mouth, don't.'  If we do open our mouths and those words slip out we should try to catch ourselves and say “I love you.” or  “I'm really glad I know you.”

If you are the person making these kind of comments or preludes in any of your close personal relationships then it's time to take a look at two things. First, do you love and truly care about the person you are treating with so little dignity and respect?   If the answer is yes it is time turn the focus on yourself.  If you have made an honest error in judgement and hurt your partner or friend, immediately say your sorry.

The Golden Rule holds double in the Inner Circle.  Make sure your words are spoken with dignity, love and respect, you will find it is a gift to yourself as well as those you care about.

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